And so Tracy the Great went home disappointed in her stupid king. I mean, after all, she DID rescue the princess! Give her SOME credit people! So anyways, there she sat, throwing darts at her wall, trying to control her urge to violently chop up her pillow with an axe. It was the least Mr. "high-and-mighty-king-of-the-world" could do for her. Stupid king and his ego problems Tracy the Great thought angrily. While she was sitting in her chair, a thought suddenly struck her. She came up with a plan, a most EEVIL plan. And she began to laugh like a maniac, but she choked and fell off of her chair, but even while rolling on the floor, choking on her own spit, Tracy the Great began thinking of her evil plan! *insert doom music here* All the while laughing like a fool! *more doom music* PLOTTING AGAINST THE KING! *even more doom music!*

And soon it was another sunshine-y week in Montarek. Tracy boldly strolled into the royal throne room, where Queen Imogen and King Alexander were playing a lovely game of cricket (Montarek style, of course). King Alexander sailed across the room, trying to hit the ball (he was a tad un-coordinated) but crashed right into Queen Imogen. They both feel to the floor laughing, their hair and robes a mess. Tracy the Great could even see Queen Imogens bald spot, as her headdress had fallen off. She coughed a polite "ahem" and the King and Queen looked up, embarrassed. They stood up, straightening their robes. Tracy, our humble peasant, politely asked if she could take Princess Agatha for a picnic in the park.

"I promise to keep Princess Agatha safe from all harm, and if I break my promise, I hereby give you permission to shop off my filthy head," Tracy the Great said innocently (come on, she was sucking up).

King Alexander stood, stroking his fuchsia beard. He was about to give an answer, when suddenly, Princess Agatha came bounding down the stairs 5 at a time, clumsily tripping down the last 7 steps. Though she was the most beautiful girl in Montarek, she was also very un-coordinated like her father, bipolar, and easily distracted.

Agatha was not your typical "damsel-in-distress-blonde-haired-blue-eyed-pearly-toothed-totally-helpless" princess. She had long, raven black hair, electric purple eyes, and was not at all sissy. She was as tough as any boy, preferred to wear breeches instead of dresses and skirts, and would rather play "trash can dunk" with the boys of Montarek, although she could be feminine when she wanted to. Her fair skin was like the color of sugar, and she was fairly short.

"Oh daddy I heard my name, and something about a picnic, and it all sounds so lovely, and oh look, a toad." Her eyes followed a toad hopping across the room. Queen Imogen shrieked and jumped into the kings arms.

Tracy picked it up, and put it in her pocket. Suddenly, Agatha noticed Tracy, and shrieked with happiness, and launched into very fast dialogue. "Oh Tracy have you come to take me on a picnic! I love picnics, theyre simply splendid! This one time, I remember at the lake Oh look at that horrid lump on the wall! I wonder where it came from. Lumps are quite disgusting; I remember this one time Wait, what was I saying... Oh, um, wait spleen? No, thats not it" Agatha stood there, scratching her head, pondering. Before she could confuse herself again, Queen Imogen spoke up.

"Yes my dear, Tracy has come to take you on a picnic. Now, we want you back home before 6:30 PM so we can re-alphabetize your spoon collection. Is that clear?"

"Oh yes momsy! I will be back promptly at 6:30!" Agatha squealed. Tracy just blinked at her bipolar-ness.

So Tracy hooked arms with Agathas and they strolled out the door together, laughing and talking. Tracy carried a basket of food under her arm, and Agatha skipped alongside her. Little did she know that she was to soon meet her doom

It was a few hours later, at the park. Agatha checked her royal watch, and saw it was 6:00. She stood up and brushed off her dress. "Well Tracy, I should be leaving you now. I had a lovely time! Cheerio!"

"Wait Agatha! I have a surprise for you. Stay for 5 more minutes." Tracy said, getting up.

Agatha sat back down, confused. "Wait right here," sad Tracy, and with that she disappeared into the woods of Montarek.

So Agatha sat there on the ground, hugging her knees, and humming. She waited for 5 minutes, when suddenly, a blindfold clamped over her eyes, shutting out all light. She screamed, but someone slapped a hand over her mouth. Agatha was dragged away into the woods, where someone ripped off the blindfold.

Standing in front of her was Tracy the Great, but she was not dressed as a peasant girl. She was dressed as a peasant boy! As a matter of fact, she even LOOKED like a boy! Yes my friends, Tracy the Great was a cross-dresser! He stood in front of Agatha, with his arms crossed, and his uni-brow crinkled over his green eyes. Agatha shrieked.

"Boys, tie up her hands!" Tracy barked. More cross-dressers spilled from the trees, armed with ropes and swords. Agatha did not cower in fear. She held her head up high as her hands were bound with ropes, although she did try to fight. Tracy the Great smacked her upside the head, and although she whimpered, she stopped fighting. The coarse ropes cut into her wrist, and she winced a little.

"You are probably wondering why you are here, Your Highness Agatha," Tracy spat sarcastically while Agatha nodded. Tracy continued, "We, the CDO of Montarek have captured you, and are holding you for ransom."

"Whats the CDO of Montarek?" Agatha asked politely.

"Cross Dressers of Montarek you easily distracted freak!" Tracy the Great yelled.

Agathas face scrunched up. "I am NOT easily Hey look at that rock. Its all shiny like," Agatha said dreamily. She tilted her head and stared at it.

The cross dressing henchmen of Tracys advanced on Agatha, but Tracy the Great held up his hand. "Leave her be. We have better things to do," snickered Tracy. He glared at Agatha. "Bartholomew!" barked Tracy. A short person stepped out from the ring of cross dressers. "Keep your eyes on her. Dont let her escape," he instructed.

"But Master, I only have one eye," Bartholomew said, pointing to his one yellow eye. "I can only keep this one on her."

"Fine then! Just dont let her escape you!" Tracy the Great yelled. Then he looked over at Agatha. "Thank you my dear, dear Princess, for a lovely afternoon," he said silkily, kissing her on the hand.

Agatha slapped him and spat into his face, but Tracy just smiled and walked away, with his clan of cross-dressing friends following him.

While in the woods, Tracy the Great sat down on a rock, and pulled out some parchment and a pen. He tapped his lip for a bit, and noticed his henchmen staring at him, all of them sitting on the forest floor and drooling like a pack of mentally retarded and hungry wolves. "Fools! You can go home now!" Tracy barked. The henchmen got up and sauntered out of the woods.

"Honestly," Tracy muttered, "Youd think they wouldve learned by now." He still sat on the rock, pondering about what to write in his evil note. Then, he got an idea, and began to write. Half an hour later, he strolled back to the spot where Bartholomew was watching Agatha. Instead of watching her, Bartholomew was lazily poking a dead frog on the ground, and Agatha was slowly sneaking away.

"Get back here, Your Highness," Tracy spat as he kicked Agatha in the side. She collapsed but remained strong, looking him in his eyes. Tracy kicked Bartholomew in the side also, and he screamed, hobbling away on all fours like some mutated dog.

"Come with me my dear Agatha. Ive decided to take you home," he said smoothly, showing no emotion in his face. Agatha nodded, and with that, Tracy steered her forward and back to the kingdom.

After 45 minutes, they finally reached the castle. It had grown dark outside, and the sky was dotted with stars. They came to the doors, and Agatha ran through the doors to the throne room, where Queen Imogen and King Alexander were beside themselves with fright. When the queen saw Agatha, she started screaming. "Agatha why didnt you come home at 6:30? Its almost 8 o clock! Where in the name of Saint Bridgette have you been?" Imogen shrieked.

Agatha was about to give an answer when Tracy the Great walked forward, holding up his hand for silence. "My dear King and Queen, forgive me. It is my fault Agatha was not at home at your requested hour," Tracy said. His voice was like poisonous chocolate, sweet but with an edge to it. Agatha glared at Tracy.

Suddenly Tracy grabbed Agatha, pulled her close, and whipped a dagger to her throat. Then he pulled out his letter. "King Alexander, if you do not give me the original reward I requested after saving your dear Princess Agatha from the Dragon of the Green Woods, I will slash her throat and yours as well. I will then proceed to rule the kingdom of Montarek!" He pressed the dagger a little tighter to Agathas throat, and she could feel the sharp edges against her skin.

Wanting to save his daughters life and his own, King Alexander snapped his fingers, and ordered all the rubas in the royal treasury to be given to Tracy the Great at that exact moment. Guards and men of the royal court rushed to the treasury, dumping bags of rubas at Tracys feet.

Of course, there wasnt enough rubas in the royal treasury. So Tracy and his cross dressing army proceeded to take over the kingdom. The royal family was forced to work for Tracy until they could pay off their debt. A few years passed, and soon the debt was paid off. Tracy still killed Princess Agatha and her mother and father, and ruled Montarek until his dying day! THE END