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My Greatest Flaw
Seeking originality
She covers her jeans and notebooks
With the words of countless others
Her definition of herself
Stems from the music she enjoys
That others create
Seeking friendship
He finds the weakest ones
And brings out their flaws
Their insecurities
And people love him for it
Seeking love
She bares her skin to the world
Thinking it is her soul she bares
Wanting to be noticed by them
And yet looking the same as all the rest
Seeking recognition
He comments loudly at everything
The laughter rings
Yet no one understands
All he wants is their respect
A performing monkey
Seeking distance
I watch them during my day
Trying to shut out the fact
That I am no different from them
And others are watching me
Healing Water
(I wrote this one day and in the middle of writing it I thought "Wow. I'm really thirsty" and went to get a drink of water. Funny how that affects your mind, huh? And after getting a drink I lost all urge to write more of it. So here's my short, thirst enduced burst of genious.)
Healing water
Flows through my veins
And once I drink it
I'm never the same
Cool and light
And soft and clear
My senses awake
They betray me, I fear
Granted
The goodness pulls me
Out into the light
Embracing the world
It all seems so right
The stardust that made me
Pours into my hand
And I can have peace
Without taking a stand
I know I am loved
My friends are so true
And I would be happy
With or without you
The darkness pulls me
I swallow the night
And when your voice calls me
I know it's all right
Alone with the devil
It's evil you seek
And yet pulling away
Seems much too weak
This obsession we have
Just deepens the need
For what is the flower
Without first the seed?
You are my darkness
You are my light
I know it's not perfect
But it feels so right
I drink you in
You run through my veins
And all of the pleasure
Is worth all the pain
They tell me its wrong
In a sense it is true
But how can we part
When I'm part of you?
Final Forgiveness
I'm sorry that we got closer
after we said goodbye.
I'm sorry I never realized
I was the one making you cry.
I'm sorry we never understood each other
and our love was held in conempt.
I'm sorry I felt I was the only one hurting
and your feelings were all exempt.
I'm sorry I confused you
and could never explain my feelings.
I'm sorry I kept picking at our wound
Instead of helping the healing.
I'm sorry I never related
to your problems the way that they did.
I'm sorry that cutting won't help my pain
but your scars are not quite faded.
I'm sorry I never chased you
you were never an idol to me.
I'm sorry I felt our love fade
when it was displayed for all to see.
I'm sorry I listened to my friends
and held their opinions on high.
I'm sorry I could never remember
They didn't know our reasons why
I'm sorry we're drifting apart.
our hearts I cannot console.
I'm sorry I never stopped loving you
Its the one thing I could never control.
Beginning of the End
You ask me what I want
I want the wind upon my face
To pack my things and look around
and finally leave this place.
I always say I love you
and sadly this is true.
For you all are my masters
Friendship is slavery too
I see I'm wanted here or there
There's things I need to do
And so I forget my escape
And settle here with you.
You ask me what I want
I want someone who knows
For nobody understands
Why unrest inside me grows
A soul mate would be very nice
but would it do the trick?
I've never thought that they exist
but to think that makes me sick.
For I have seen them come and go
And know this truth to be
It is impossible to find
Another one like me
I ask you what you want
you want the same things as me
But why we don't see eye to eye
Is forever a mystery
For now I'll stick to who I am
And how I stay alone
I find I come to relish it
But not this place called home.
Call it karma, call it fate
I guess I'm destined to
Sitting here and looking out
In this empty place with you.
My Last Gift
What more can I give to you?
What more do you want?
Here, take my blood.
I willingly spill it on the cold floor
They gather around like jackals
Feeding
And I can do nothing
but hope its good enough for them.
Taste it
Drink me in
Let my warmth fill you
Is it good enough for you?
Will you love me now?
The virgin whore
Sings no more
Her precious
precious
fluids
on the floor.
Umm yes I wrote this one about the civil war for a government project. I probably wouldn't have written it if I didn't have to but it turned out better than I thought it would. I just usually don't write about historical events. If I ever start, you should all be worried. Anyways, I thought it was pretty good so I put it up.
Understanding
Lying on the barren grass
The blood blurs all I see
And I can hear the kindly words
Of a man lying next to me
"I never did care for battle
and I had an injured knee.
My wife will miss me terribly.
My son is turning three."
I couldn't produce an answer
Through his drawl I could plainly see
He was a Confederate
His death was caused by me.
"I see you are a Union man,
your cap is as blue as the sea.
Ah, never mind the differences.
Were the same for God to see."
I could hear the horses leaving
My men could never be
Expected to pick out those alive.
The dead looked just like me.
"Ah my good man", I said
"I perfectly agree.
For I think that I must learn to love
The last man I will see."
He said, "When you think about it,
We're both Americans, you and me.
Brother killing brother
Is not how it ought to be."
I would have answered then,
but my breath was leaving me.
I died there on the battlefield.
Loving my enemy.
The Parasite
The morning comes and all I feel is disgust for myself.
I am everything I never wanted to be.
I am weak.
I am hated.
I am a desperate parasite, desperately clinging on to any hope of change.
THEY hold the key to the window that will let a hint of sunlight into my dark room.
THEY hold it over my head, giggling manaically as I jump repeatedly, reaching for something that will never be mine.
Yet I still keep reaching,
not realizing that my struggle is THEIR show.
Their sick entertainment.
I want to go hide in a dark corner, just so I can stay with the person who finds me.
Forever become their parasite and bewitch them into thinking I am offering them something in return.
Or perhaps I'll just stay in that corner forever, becoming one with the darkness and clinging on to the desperate hope of being found, until the WANT and the NEED eat away at me and drain my life.
My love for you exceeds all means of measuring.
How about your love for me?
In this stagnant ocean, I feel like a fish among sharks.
Story of Our Adolescent Lives
welcome to this ghastly place
where smiles can conceal a face
and your whole life must be lived a lie
under the shadow of the eye
it glares at us as we pretend
trying vainly to ascend
always watching, never blinking
gains control of what we're thinking
its agents everywhere abound
i dare not speak when they're around
they act towards us as if to say
"join us, its the only way"
i recall the terror, recall the pain
how could anyone ever stay sane?
it's no use to run or fight
it finds me in my bed at night
my choices are give up or die
under the shadow of the eye
My new favorite poem NOT written by me:
THE COLD WITHIN
Six humans trapped by happenstance, in dark and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood--Or so the storys told.
Their dying fire in need of logs, but the first one held hers back,
For, of the faces around the fire, She noticed one was black.
The next man looking cross the way, Saw one not of his church,
And could not bring himself to give, The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes, He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use, To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought, Of the wealth he had in store,
And keeping all that he had earned, From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black mans face bespoke revenge, As the fire passed from his sight,
For he saw in his stick of wood, A chance to spite the white.
And the last man of this forlorn group, Did naught except for gain,
Giving just to those who gave, Was how he played the game.
Their sticks held tight in deaths stilled hands,Was proof enough of sin;
They did not die from cold without--They died from cold within.
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