| There he is |
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| So fancy |
The Oracle Talking to Neo About the Merovingian
The Oracle: Our time is up. Listen to me, Neo. You can save Zion if you reach The Source, but to do that you will need the Keymaker.
Neo: The Keymaker?
The Oracle: Yes, he disappeared some time ago. We did not know what happened to him until now. He's being held prisoner by a very dangerous program, one of the oldest of us. He is called the Merovingian, and he will not let him go willingly.
Neo: What does he want?
The Oracle: What do all men with power want? More power.
Random Fact - Did you know the Merovingians were a line of French kings who claimed to be decendents of Jesus Christ? Yup.
Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus talking to the Merovingian in Reloaded
Merovingian: Aha, here he is at last. Neo, the One himself, right? And the legendary Morpheus. And Trinity of course, si belle qu'elle me fait souffrir. I have heard so much, you honour me. Please, sit, join us. This is my wife, Persephone. Something to eat? Drink? Hmm... of course, such things are contrivances like so much here. For the sake of appearances.
Neo: No, thank you.
Merovingian: Yes, of course, who has time? Who has time? But then if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time? Château Haut-Brion 1959, magnificent wine, I love French wine, like I love the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favourite - fantastic language, especially to curse with. Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperies de connards d'enculés de ta mère. You see, it's like wiping your ass with silk, I love it.
Morpheus: You know why we are here.
Merovingian: Hmph... I am a trafficker of information, I know everything I can. The question is, do you know why you are here?
Morpheus: We are looking for the Keymaker.
Merovingian: Oh yes, it is true. The Keymaker, of course. But this is not a reason, this is not a `why.' The Keymaker himself, his very nature, is means, it is not an end, and so, to look for him is to be looking for a means to do... what?
Neo: You know the answer to that question.
Merovingian: But do you? You think you do but you do not. You are here because you were sent here, you were told to come here and you obeyed. [Laughs] It is, of course, the way of all things. You see, there is only one constant, one universal, it is the only real truth: causality. Action. Reaction. Cause and effect.
Morpheus: Everything begins with choice.
Merovingian: No. Wrong. Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without. Look there, at that woman. My God, just look at her. Affecting everyone around her, so obvious, so bourgeois, so boring. But wait... Watch - you see, I have sent her dessert, a very special dessert. I wrote it myself. It starts so simply, each line of the program creating a new effect, just like poetry. First, a rush... heat... her heart flutters. You can see it, Neo, yes? She does not understand why - is it the wine? No. What is it then, what is the reason? And soon it does not matter, soon the why and the reason are gone, and all that matters is the feeling itself. This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to deny it, but it is of course pretense, it is a lie. Beneath our poised appearance, the truth is we are completely out of control. Causality. There is no escape from it, we are forever slaves to it. Our only hope, our only peace is to understand it, to understand the `why.' `Why' is what separates us from them, you from me. `Why' is the only real social power, without it you are powerless. And this is how you come to me, without `why,' without power. Another link in the chain. But fear not, since I have seen how good you are at following orders, I will tell you what to do next. Run back, and give the fortune teller this message: Her time is almost up. Now I have some real business to do, I will say adieu and goodbye.
Neo: This isn't over.
Merovingian: Oh yes, it is. The Keymaker is mine and I see no reason why I should give him up. No reason at all.
Persephone: Where are you going?
Merovingian: Please, ma chérie, I've told you, we are all victims of causality. I drink too much wine, I must take a piss. Cause and effect. Au revoir.
No One Can Tell You (What The Chronic Is)
by Tom
(If The Matrix: Reloaded were a gangsta rap video)
[Music: Fade in background music, distant gunshots, distant sirens. Cross fade to sounds of glasses clinking and women moaning.]
[Visual: The camera pans across the park where, in Reloaded, Neo meets with the Oracle and then fights Agent Smith. A group of Fly Girls are standing up against the walls, waiting.]
Morpheus (speaking, as voice-over): No one can tell you what the chronic is, you have to smoke it for yourself.
[Music: A rap beat begins.]
[Visual: Neo drives up in a tricked-out black convertible, which is visibly shaking from its massive stereo system pounding out the beat. Neo steps out, leans back against the car, takes a final drag on his blunt and tosses it on the ground.]
Neo (rapping):
Yo, Cypher was a zero but I'm the One.
I'm the reloaded hero with the big black gun.
I was born in the Matrix, y'all, back in the hood
but I took the red pill and it went down good
with an Absolut chaser and a twist o' lime.
In the desert of the real I'm a bust a rhyme.
I can walk a tightrope after drinkin' a fifth,
stop a bullet in the air, slap Agent Smith
straight down to the floor, plumb through to the cella,
and I'm mackin' every tasty little Zion cave dwella.
Blowin' into your town like a pimp typhoon,
stirrin' coffee with my mind 'cause there ain't no spoon.
[Visual: the Fly Girls step away from the wall and start a slow, undulating dance.]
Fly Girls (singing):
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-ooooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself.
Neo (rapping):
I'm the N to the E-O, a man of means,
mad kung fu skillz to submarine the machines,
now I'm takin' my game to the digitized streets
where the sucka AI's know I can't be beat.
Not afraid of algorithms or electronics --
I trump the chumps 'cause I've got the chronic.
I'm high on the red pill, down with the truth,
if I got to jack out, I got a telephone booth.
I'm the O-N-E and my story's allegorical,
y'all watch me now while I kick it with the Oracle.
[Visual: the Fly Girls' dancing becomes more aggressive and acrobatic.]
Fly Girls (singing):
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-oooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself.
[Visual: Neo approaches the Oracle. Unlike in the movie, here the Oracle's avatar is a gorgeous young Black woman. She wears a neon pink bikini and lounges in a hot tub. A bottle of champagne sits beside her, and she takes a sip from her glass. She slides out of the hot tub to sit on the edge with her legs dangling in the water. The camera zooms in briefly on water droplets running down her body, then zooms back out.]
Oracle (rapping):
I'm gonna lay the funky rhymes down verse by verse
I predict the last word before I've heard the first.
Put your hands in the air for my Oracle style
'cause I'm from the old school like an ASCII text file.
Neo, you a playa, you the pimp of the Matrix.
Your girl's fine, dressin' like a dominatrix --
haxor skillz and stiletto heels,
give Trinity props, you know she keepin' it real.
Now have a seat Neo 'cause I know you will later.
Cozy up to me, don't be no Oracle-hater.
We both got the munchies so eat this candy.
I knew before I bought it, it would come in handy.
You ask, "Oracle, Oracle, on the wall,
how can I sit back while my shorty takes the fall?
And all the king's softwarez, and all the king's men
can't bring my baby online again."
But Neo you're fakin' like a masquerade,
'cause that's one choice you know you already made.
You came to hear the "why," and I'll tell you for free:
You need a little old guy, looks like a burned-out Bruce Lee
to hit you with the key that will get you through the door.
And once you're in there, yeah you can rock it hard core.
Go see the Merovingian is what I say,
Now my next party's startin' so I'm on my way.
[Visual: a stretch limo pulls up, with Seraph behind the wheel. The Oracle slips into a fancy silk bathrobe, puts on her high heels, and gets into the limo, which drives away.]
Fly Girls (singing):
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
You have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-oooooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
You have to smoke it for yourself.
[Visual: Agent Smith walks up to Neo. He straightens his tie and begins to rap. As he raps, other copies of Smith take up positions all around him.]
Agent Smith (rapping):
Y'all AI-hataz think you bringin' some game?
There's a hundred in my crew, and we all the same.
When one catch a slug, the rest never complain,
and we spreadin' like a virus all through the mainframe.
Often imitated, I'm crazy replicated,
the Smith on my left was some bitch I once dated.
It's gettin' complicated but I'm tellin' you true:
don't go runnin' to your mama 'cause now she's a Smith, too.
If I catch you with my code, I'll load you up with me,
And then you'll be the S to the M-I-T
to the H, that's Smith, there's an endless supply,
so come step to the beat of the gangsta AI.
[Visual: Neo and all the Agent Smiths fight in the "burly brawl" scene. Neo flies away. The Smiths walk away. Only the Fly Girls remain. The picture becomes pixilated, fades to black, then the camera pulls back, revealing that the black background was the iris of the left eye of the lead Fly girl, as if perhaps the entire scene has been only an idea in her mind. She sits on the ground, her back to the wall. She runs her fingers through her hair and stares into the camera.]
Lead Fly Girl (singing solo):
No one can tell me what the chronic is,
I have to smoke it for myself.
Ooooooh-oooo-ooooooh, yeah-yeah.
[Fade out.]
(First published at http://matrixessays.blogspot.com
This article may be freely reproduced if it is unchanged and this notice is included.)
The Matrix: ReSeussed
NEO: I am the One and I am free.
The Oracle is fond of me.
I need that dude who makes the key.
MEROVINGIAN: You only dream that you are free,
Look all around -- causality:
It's in the wine, it's in the steak,
It's in this chocolate cake I bake.
See yonder blonde? She sure looks fine.
One bite of cake, and she'll be mine.
Then in the restroom where we're meeting,
You can guess what she'll be eating.
So, goodbye.
NEO: But I am free,
And he is not the boss of me!
PERSEPHONE: He is a pig, she is a whore,
I've seen this scene twelve times before.
The tricks he's pulled, the lies he's said --
I'll shoot his werewolf in the head!
I'll fix him good for being sly;
I'll give you the key maker guy.
But first, a kiss to seal the deal;
Just make me feel that it's for real.
NEO: This bargain does have some appeal . . .
OK, a kiss, and now we're through.
PERSEPHONE: I'm very cute, curvaceous too,
Is that the best that you can do?
It must be true, the things they say --
The tabloid stories that you're . . .
NEO: Hey!
Let's try again, you are a hottie.
Here's a kiss that's really naughty.
(Trinity will hate this night.
She'll bring it up each time we fight.)
PERSEPHONE: Now, that was better, way to go!
I feel a tingle, head to toe.
Let's have another.
TRINITY: Back off, ho!
Or taste a bullet from my gun.
PERSEPHONE: Too bad you're with her, she's no fun.
Well, come with me, we won't get caught.
I'll let you in my secret spot:
A steamy, dark place down below,
A tunnel deep in my chateau.
MORPHEUS: Could this be symbolism?
TRINITY: No.
PERSEPHONE: Come through this door and take a peek.
This little guy is the locksmith geek.
KEYMAKER: I've got the keys to every lock.
I jingle-jangle when I walk!
NEO: And can you get me to the Source?
KEYMAKER: I have that key. Of course! Of course!
I'm on your side, just don't take me
Through airport gate security.
(First published at http://matrixessays.blogspot.com
This poem may be freely reproduced if it is unchanged
and this notice is included.)
by Tom
(If "The Matrix: Reloaded" had been written by Dr. Seuss)
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