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6:00AM: I'm waken up bye my alarm clock and i think to my self "not anothor day
why cant i just die so i dont have to faile and be misarable any longer.
7:00AM: I arrive at school as i get out of the car I see people with things to
do and people to talk to.
7:05AM: I meet Sean and Alex before class we talk about people I think "Are Sean
and Alex my real friends if wasent there would it be different without me?"
7:25AM: The bell rings Sean goes to his class and me and Alex head to math and
talk for a few minutes.
7:30AM: The bell rings we stan and say the pledge of allegence but do these
people actually know what there saying or are they just in the habbit of saying
it? Then every one sits down Mr. Peterich tells us to take out our home work and
I think to myself "why didnt I do it I knew I had it I knew I was supposed to do
it" I watch as every one corrects their assignments and then Molly Hammel walks
in the teacher asks for a pass she doesen't have one then the teacher comes to
me andasks me if I have my home work and like always i say no he tells me I'm 0
for 3 (0pts out of 3pts) then we go over the assgnment and take notes and he
gives us anothor assignment for me not to do and then he tells me I have a D-
and I become even more depressed. For the rest of the class its work time witch
no one uses to work I sit quietly and just listen to the meaningless chater
wicth in 20 years no one will remember or care about but I think these people
have some one to talk to and for that I cosder them the luckiest people in the
world, they have no idea how lucky the are by then its 7:20AM.
8:20AM: The bell rings we all head out in to the crowded hals as I walk with
Sean and Alex to second hour as I hear the conversations see the people does
what there saying actually matter? by then its 7:23AM the three of us reach the
foods lab Cheiu is already there we all sit down at our table the three of them
talk about what were cooking today or what worksheet we had due I don't say
anything I just watch the people come in theres the different kitchens theres
the punks kitchen the senior girls and one sopftmore guy and then the frshman
girls Kelsey Doil the girl from homecoming the girl I had a great time with for
one amazing night then she went and told people I was stalking her that night. A
kitchen of girls I could never tell ehat grade or any ages of them. And then
theres the kitchen next to ours John Michno a very condisending guy he thinks he
can do better at cooking than any one because hes french. Any McElliot a little
worm I have to Matt Halfond in the start I had him picked as an annoying jerk
but then after a while I just hated him but recently hes been pretty cool witch
shows what other people say about anothtor isnt always right. Then the kitchen
of Jenna Megan and Jeffery. I met Jenna in the 3rd grade at church she was in my
religion class for two years, and then I never saw her until the first day of
high school. Megan Paronto a little bitch I havent much to say she was mean to
me in middle school and all I can say is I hate her. And finally Jeffery I"ve
never talked to Jeffery he sat with us on the first day and Cheiu started giving
him crap then me and Sean started in he asked Mrs. Cyr if he could leave our
group and so he left and Alex joined us. And last but not least us me Sean Alex
and Cheiu Sean is one of my best friends we've been friens since the fist day of
6th grade we've been friends ever since. Alex I dont know him too well we went
to the same elementry school until I moved and of course Cheiu I sat with him in
homebase a coupple of times last year but thats it until now. In foods all of
our cooking labs go the same after Mrs. Cyr one of the coolest teachers ever
describes it a little bit and we get cooking as usual Cheiu just completely
takes over while Alex and Sean talk to the other lab we always seem to compete
with them but Alex and Sean will eventually take to doing something and of
course me craped on and I get stuck washing and drying the dishes and a lot of
the time we have to stay after but Cheiu always helps it gets me frustrated but
every one just thinks I'm happy with that but our kitchen comes out clean and
MrsCyr tells ue we're the best but I'm not going to hear that.
9:15AM: By now we've gotten out of foods and I'm on my way to wellnaess if my
misery hasen't made you laugh it will now I walk across the hall to wellness and
i see Kelsey Doil theres a slight uncomfortable silence but we both leave as I
leave I usually bump into Nick Shiflit not an enemy not a friend he usualy does
immature things and asks me about things I can do on a bikeI'm usually not
paying atention. We go back to the class room I talk with Nick and Mica Shaw
such a big bitch is just being a total whore. THen the teacher walksin and puts
on a video that no one cares about so Mica being the bitch she is blurts stuff
out. But of course theres the usual weirdos besides Nick theres Alex White who
thinks hes the king of France hes loud and thinks he can do anything he wants
and Mathious I dont know whats wrong himhe blurts stuff out no one can
understand one time I found him talking to a poster.
10:10AM: the bell rings just get up and leave no talking I just go to choir. I
come in as the girls leave all 65 guys are talking I sit down I have no one to
talk too in choir we all sit down Mr. Douma comes in he tells us to be quiet and
as usual nobody listens to him the announcements come on eccept on thursday when
we have the flash (the school TV show) nobody listens to them either finally we
start warm-ups the same warm-ups every day then we sing songs for mediocor
choirs then the last 5min he lets everyone talk and put away their folders and
of course I sit in my chair and think how pathetic I am. And we leave and lunch
begins.
11:10: I go to the table Adam and Cassi are already there and theres always a
coupple girls I dont know. I set my bag down on a chair and go get my food the
same food every day Apple muffin bottle of discusting orange juice and a granola
bar I usualy steal a coupple of fries from Arriel but I cant afford it being as
fat as I am but I go sit down at lunch I talk but not often I think to my self
"these arent my friends do I honstly think they would help me if I was in
trouble I know I'd help them but they wouldnt help me" I dont know but I'm glade
I have a good seat at lunch but would they have a better lunch if I wasent there
it makes me think.
11:30AM: This is the time every one starts getting up and I go find Alan. I go
find Alan hes always with Aaron and Chris. Aaron is the guy whos just always
there and Chris I dispise Chris hes a fat litt peice of shit who just gives me
crap and when Chris does so does Alan I dont know is Alan being shallow or
should I just not associate with him at school but this is one group where every
one is happy when I'm not there while all this happens we're usualy on the 3rd
floor at Alan's locker. After all this I just wanna shoot myself oh but dont
think this is bad wait til you read about 5th and 6th hour, and I'm off on my
way to 5th hour.
11:40AM: Team Tribolt my freshman team at eastveiw my tribolt classes are the
worst of them all after 60 minutes with the people of my team tribolt class
right then and their I wanna shoot myself justso I dont have to be with some of
these dispicable people. The people in my last 3 classes are the worst people
you can put together there loud mean disobediant especialy to Mr. Wagner at the
begining never put any discapline in and now they wont take direction when he
does it will be the best thing team tribolt has ever done we never get anything
accomplished in Mr. Wagner's class because of that lack of direction the worst
of them all Lauren Parsons a cray bitchwho goes insane and sapzes over every
thing she whips me with her back packe and tells me she hates me. Jessica Richel
a cheep sluty whore I tried to be nice to her but its not worth it on her being
nice is a lost cause her. Andy McElliot the same little mousy kid from foods the
little rat who hit a girl the same little shit who got his ass kicked by Ryan
Crossnoe the biggest wuss on earth accept for Andy. Jim Hart the loudest person
ever he tries to get people to be quiet but he just adds to the noise he feels
he has to shout everything. But theres such nice people in that class, Kara and
Noelle such nice people who just wanna be friendly and nice to every one but I
think its terrable if some one is mean to people as nice as these to people it
makes me sick. Its a group of people who should have never met they are jus ass
wholes morons and nice people throwen into a class room thats not going to
workits going to blow up in your face and it has.
12:35PM: 7th hour earth science it moves more smoothly than American Government
but thatās because at the beginning of the year we had disciplined by a sub
sure she was a bitch but she kept us in line but the unfortunate thing is I have
the dishonor of sitting next to Ms. Jessica Richel oh yes arenāt I the lucky
one. By now Iām one inch away from killing my self give me the gun and the
chance and Iāll take it, but science is not a problem in free time I donāt
talk I sit and I wallow in my own self pity because yes, I am that pathetic.
1:30PM: Mr. Nord. My English teacher the man who says weāre not people weāre
Team Tribolters or weāre students but never people and he will compare us to
some one else at every thing we do. The pressure he puts on us. We have to be
the best we canāt settle well I have some thing to say Mr. Nord the only
thing I can do is settle Iām never going to be the best Iām never going to
have the 4.0gpa or a class rank under 100 Iām not going to have a class rank
under 300 because I have to settle Iāve learned I canāt do better and Iām
going to be happy with a C or a D and if I want to dance and sing about that you
sure as hell arenāt going to stop me Iām going to write and Iām going to
read but Iām still going to settle because right now Iām not too happy with
what transpired on the 9th of November I asked if I could take an incomplete for
the quarter and he just yells like heās Jim Hart āIncomplete Iāll have to
write it down since I donāt have any other incompletesā he said it so
loud the whole class heard that Iām a failure he said it out loud. And English
is always the same he gives us bunch of rules for the assignment and if we
donāt follow them heāll yell some more, and then he gives me my F
2:25PM: The final bell rings as I pack up my things and head for the bus I recap
on how shity a day I had. I head for the bus I get on I sit in seat 5 just like
I always do. As I sit by myself and watch the happy people talk I think about
what a loser I am and why did it have to be me, I try to be nice to people Iām
friendly, I do volunteer work by serving food to the poor, I teach 3 different
religion classes, what is it I go to church every Sunday and I sing in the choir
and am an altar server. So Iād like a reason why me why must it always be me.
Then the bus pulls away and I listen to happy people talk with friends and I
feel like the loneliest person on earth.
2:40PM:I get home and sit in my bedroom and I look out my window and I see
people with friends and I think why canāt I have that why I just want to be
like every one else some times thatās not a bad thing every one else has true
friends who understand them but not me. Watching the world pass you by is not an
easy thing to do.
10:00PM: I go to bed thinking about this day thinking not again I don want to
wake up tomorrow.
Iāve deled with a lot of things in my life divorce, depression, death but none
of them add up to how hard loneliness is having no friends of no true friends
Iād give up all my friends for one true friend but thatās never going to
happen so until that day were I pull the trigger because all the loneliness has
consumed me. I canāt take it anymore Iāve put on happy face just because
someone look happy doesnāt mean they are. This may not be how the world is but
his is how I see it, but I sure hope the world isnāt really the way I see it.
When I die people will finally know who I am and see things arenāt just black
and white/
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